you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize