i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
