This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
