I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
