Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize