he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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