Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
