I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
