I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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