blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We left the knife in your bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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