I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
