ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize