i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
