I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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