So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
