This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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