if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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