I looked at my own cervix.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's like iHOP with fire
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
