i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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