Small penises have feelings too.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
