I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
