Someone shit on the floor
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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