Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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