he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
