Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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