neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
