have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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