video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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