Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
