there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
