the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I touched a dick in church today
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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