Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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