Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
