my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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