That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i out mim tonsoeep
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