do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
