What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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