it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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