Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
