the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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