so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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