Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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