It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
