He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
