I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dear god my vagina.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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