you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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