I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
