I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
