I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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