somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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