i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
