do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
