please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
