i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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