God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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