I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
