tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize