mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
