can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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