There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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