I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God, I missed his penis.
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