Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
