just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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