I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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