We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
