Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
