I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
