I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
