So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
